my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
