I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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