Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
