Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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