God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
