I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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