SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
