Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
