What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
