birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
