Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize