i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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