Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
