just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
