Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
