Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
