Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
