apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
