I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
