If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
