Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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