I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
