i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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