Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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