So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Vodka?
Forever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
