He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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