i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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