One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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