She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
