i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
