WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
