I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
