is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
