I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
