I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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