i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
