All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
