JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
