So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
