barbara walters just said penis...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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