Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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