I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
