He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They have beer where we have blood.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
