Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
