She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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