he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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