We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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