First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Boobs speak an international language.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
