I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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