That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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