I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
