not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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