Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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