so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
